SamTastic Weekly Tip: 11/10/25 - How to Manage a Difficult Conversation

This week’s Tip: How to Manage a Difficult Conversation

One the most challenging events in your day may be a conversation you’ve been delaying with a staff member, student or parent.  You know it is on your TimeTrack.  You know you need to do it.  You worry it will damage your relationship. 

You are tense.  You find it hard to concentrate.  You aren’t sure how to make this go well.

Jefferson Fisher, author, The Next Conversation, provides a framework you might find helpful:

“Most difficult conversations don’t go badly because of what we say.  They go badly because of how we start and end them.

Let’s fix that.

Here's exactly how to have a difficult conversation:

#1. Skip the intro.

Don’t open with, “How are you?”

Difficult conversations aren’t the time for small talk.

It feels polite, but it actually adds tension.

And the other person knows something serious is coming.

Instead, start with this: “Thank you for making time to talk to me.”

It’s direct, respectful, and sets the tone for honesty.

#2. Lead with collaboration.

Your next sentence matters.

Try one of these sentences:

• “I need your help knowing what to do about this.”

• “I need your help understanding how to feel about this.”

The phrase “I need your help” turns opponents into teammates.

You’re no longer fighting against each other — you’re working through it together.

#3. Close with openness, not finality.

When you’re ready to wrap up, say:

“I feel more settled about this.” or

“I feel like we’re headed in a better direction.”

Then ask: “How does this feel to you?”

And stop talking.

Whether they respond or not, you’ve done the hardest and most generous part: making space for them to share.

When you do this, you’ll notice the conversation doesn’t just end better — it feels better.

Instead of defending one side, you’re building a bridge between both.

Keep showing up with calm confidence.

I’m rooting for you.

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19^th Annual National SAM Conference

Registration link:  https://registration.samprocess.com/ 

A few things to consider when planning to attend:

Ø The conference is January 15-18. 2026.

Ø To be eligible to attend, you must be a SAM team member doing the process with efficacy, NSIP staff, Board member or presenter.

Ø The conference will be in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Marriott Harbor Beach Resort

Keynote Speakers

·      Will Parker, Principals Matter: Living your Best Life as an Educator

·      Will Bowen, You Can’t Complain Your Way to Success

·      Tracie Swilley, The PrinciPAL Effect: Setting the Vibe, Energy, and Excellence Every Day

·      John Antonetti, Personal Response: Am I safe to share my thinking?

·      William Martinez, Signing the Song: The Power of Belonging

Pre-Conference All-Day Workshop Presenters

·      Jim Masters, Beyond Why and What – Getting to How School Leaders Make a Difference

·      Ken Williams, Better Teachers, Better Results: Where Students Learn Because Of US

·      Willow Sweeney, Top 20 Moves for Building Effective Staff and Student Relationships

·      Brendan Houdek and Caleb Shomaker:  Executive Speaking Coaching Seminar