SamTastic Weekly Tip: 5/12/25 - Listening: Easy to Say, Hard to Do.

This week’s tip: Listening: Easy to say, hard to do.

My first rule of school leadership is to make people feel important.  This is easy to say, but surprisingly difficult to do.

Kim Marshall, The Marshall Memo, turned my attention recently to an article by Jeffrey Yip and Colin M. Fisher.  They provided the clearest and most succinct explanation I’ve seen on why being a good listener is hard:

Why? Because listening is an intentional activity that requires empathy, patience, and the ability to respond to what you hear. 

Wow.  I believe they hit the proverbial nail on the head.  You can’t fake listening.  You get caught way too soon as a fraud and damage your ability to be taken seriously by your staff, students and parents.

The authors list five mistakes leaders make when attempting to listen.  Two resonated with me:

Defensiveness

“When employees raise concerns or offer critical feedback, defensiveness can be a natural, knee‑jerk reaction. “The lesson is to steel yourself against defensiveness by calming your own emotions and seeking to understand the other parties’ intentions before responding. Before you speak, take stock of yourself. If you feel criticized or threatened, buy yourself time by simply restating what you think the speaker has said or thanking that person for sharing. You can also ask questions to get more information. Those moves will prevent you from counterattacking and show people that you’re hearing them out before voicing your own opinion.”

Exhaustion

“Exhaustion is a silent killer of effective listening. When leaders are physically or emotionally drained, they lose their capacity to focus, process, and engage productively with employees.

The best way to avoid exhausted listening is to establish clear boundaries. That might involve blocking out certain hours when your door or calendar (TimeTrack) is open and others when it’s not, setting time limits on discussions, or taking breaks during extended conversations. Moreover, leaders should acknowledge their personal limits. If you’re feeling weary, it’s both acceptable and beneficial to reschedule for a time when you have more energy. By acknowledging that quality listening requires mental and emotional reserves, you’re demonstrating transparency and respect, which your counterparts will appreciate.”

Would you like to read the short article to see the other three reasons the authors think listening is hard? Click here:  “Are You Really a Good Listener?”

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